Once In a Lifetime

Once in a lifetime

I do not essay happiness well, I never have. I always likened my life to brushing out your hair in the back of a convertible while it's going alone the length of a coast, about a hundred miles an hour. Combing out the knot and the tangles just to throw your hair in the wind for it to get all caught up again. I don't write happy well, I never have. The words that blot out of my pen often weave themselves into blankets and cloaks of melancholy of bottom of the pit hopelessness.

All about love

You know, when doubt poses danger when you pose danger. The kind of love that makes you feel like you're at the doorstep and you've been ringing the bell for far too long.

Reaching out for a hand to take yours but it only ever results in a series of near misses of everything that could possibly be incomplete include you. Nothing as dramatic as waking up at five in the morning in a puddle of tears but you know the kind of hollowness you feel when you feel like you've being pulled in a hundred different directions just because there's somebody that you couldn't possibly not follow until the day you can't and until the day you won't, until the day you decide to tread a different path, until the day you decide to be different and I know this is cheesy.

Missing someone is worst feeling ever...

But today, I decided to be different. So when I told her I loved her I also said it was a promise. I wanted to tell her that I had every reason to believe that I shouldn't believe. But I hoped my promise would be enough for her to make me one. I wanted to tell her that my promise was meant for so many, but made only to her and I wanted to tell her that my promise was too tangible to be just poetry . So I weaved it into the air that I breathe and into everytime skin touched skin and I weaved it into my hair and then she would find it exactly there locked up in my locks with a key to my heart. I wanted to tell her all this tell her what she was responsible for and that with this responsibility came the ability to break my heart and I know this is cheesy. But if it came down to it I would let her.

Promises

But when we held hands I realized that she never led me anywhere. Just offered me an anchor, steadying me leaving it up to me to decide where I wanted to go. And if I wanted to go there now. When I held her hands I realized that both of mine fit into the fold of her palm. And for the first time in a very long time they looked like they were worthy of that shelter.

You see, in everyone I have ever tried to love before I have looked for adventure, never comfort and that it doesn't always have to be that way that there is a kind of love that involves sitting in the middle of your living room wolfing down the entire box of pizza that you've been craving instead of wild trip to Goa. That there is a kind of love that comes only when it deems fit that you don't have to go looking for it because most of the times it is like the school bus turning on the corner...always there, everyday and never more than a few minutes late. The kind of love that I don't have to put thought into showing and never worry about seeing.

 Adventures trip with hubby

Sometimes my best friend and sometimes at best, a stranger and I know this is cheesy but come on, love i like cheese-for starters. It goes really well with wine. You know sometimes, it's just the most honest reflection of what's inside that will make your heart feel full again.

-Bikash Sah